2012 Posts
Why do the Mayans need to go and spoil everything
Here we go again: another year, another end-of-the-world prediction. To save you from wasting your time getting ready for the world to end, here are the top ten reasons why the world will definitely not end in 2012. 1. My ...
Pizzas I have known
As a general rule, fine dining is not a concept that is familiar in small towns and my experience has certainly proven this rule. Not that fine dining is the only acceptable form of food you pay someone to make ...
Witchy woman
I have just finished reading a book called A Discovery of Witches, which was highly educational. Apparently, we unknowingly co-habit the earth with three types of non-humans: witches, vampires and demons. Each of these has its own strengths and weaknesses: ...
A field guide to the Ottawa Valley: Part 2 – Seasonal Pastimes
Whatever season you decide to visit the area, you will find citizens of the Ottawa Valley enjoying a variety of activities. Here are some examples: Huntin’ Once the leaves are off the trees, hunting season cannot be far behind. It ...
Dickens and me
Apparently, a short 200 years ago Charles Dickens was born. This has prompted all manner of hoopla, including Prince Charles cutting a birthday cake at the Dickens Museum (although the recipient was hardly in shape to partake) and Ralph Fiennes ...
Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match
Matchbooks are definitely on the endangered list. It used to be that every restaurant had a bowl of matches on their front counter. Now, paper matchbook marketing has all but disappeared, although you can sometimes score wooden matchboxes at expensive ...
The Meal Ticket
For some strange reason I saved my meal tickets from my resident days at Waterloo. Maybe that’s because I can always say I have a ‘meal ticket’, but who knows what I was thinking. Clearly not me. Anyhow, the meal ...
Baby you can drive my car
When you grow up in a small town best described as on the outskirts of nowhere, you don’t need much more than two wheels or your own two feet to get around. That is, unless you wanted to go somewhere ...
Close encounters of the 5th kind: Part 2
I do not think it is a coincidence that famous people usually end up married to other famous people. I know they are more likely to hang around almost exclusively with their own kind, which would somewhat explain it, but ...
Whiskey in a jar
You may not know this, but St. Patrick’s Day is an official holiday in Newfoundland. No, honestly it is. I only know this because of the time well wasted I spent with a motley assortment of Newfoundlanders when I attended ...
Some things are better elsewhere
Although I dearly love living here, I cannot deny that some things are better in other parts of Canada. And at the risk of getting deported from the GTA, here are some examples of stuff that is better in Montreal, ...
To Serve and Protect
Hopefully there is a statute of limitations on non-disclosure agreements, although I think I am okay because I didn’t sign one and the company that did is long gone, and there was no murder involved that I am aware of. ...
Everything stops for tea
It appears that the ‘tea’ is making a bit of comeback, if you can judge a trend from lifestyle magazines. This is a good thing for me because I absolutely love tea sandwiches – aka party sandwiches. In the 1960s, ...
My address to the graduating class of 2012
Although it is certainly not the easiest time to enter the workforce, work will probably be the biggest single influence on your life. My first piece of advice is to take the job. You know the job I am talking ...
Ricky and me
Ricky, who died last week, was the longest lived of any of my cats, which was definitely an accomplishment (and not a testament to my dubious cat parenting skills). He is also the reason for my decidedly racist views on ...
Everything I need to know I learned from disco
May was a bad month for disco, with the deaths of Jimmy Ellis, Donna Summer and Robin Gibb. It also puts me too close for comfort to my own mortality, because it is not a good thing when the fixtures ...
The egg and I
There must be someone at Google with the job title of ‘Doodle Topic Researcher’ and if they ever move on from that job to something more lucrative I would like to apply. That’s because the job does not seem to ...
No Reply
If I decide to keep my landline, I am seriously considering going back to a physical answering machine because I have paid for one about 100 times over courtesy of the monthly tithe to Bell for my ‘invisible’ answering machine. ...
Tattoo You
Summer is pretty much unofficially here and one of the first signs of summer is people wearing fewer clothes. Along with the usual offenses punishable by the fashion police, the lesser coverage also results in too much information about people’s ...
Leaving Las Vegas
Neither of my weddings took place in June, which is still the most popular wedding month. My avoidance of June probably has more to do with my aversion to traditional wedding stuff than a dislike for the month itself. However, ...
In the key of life
I have already talked about my typing proficiency, which has stood me in good stead now that we pretty much all type for a living. But it just occurred to me that we don’t think much about the evolution from ...
Take a letter, Maria
I once had a summer job in an office. This is different than having a summer job that is not in an office like the one supervising a summer playground program (where I learned to hate the smell of sunburned ...
Her Majesty’s a pretty nice girl
I cast no aspersions on the achievement of 60 years in the same job, but has Queen Elizabeth completed 100 blog posts? I think not. And on the momentous occasion of cranking out 50,000 words, give or take, rain or ...
Everthing I need to know I learned from the Rolling Stones
It was 50 years ago today (okay, it was really 50 years ago yesterday) that the Rolling Stones began to play. Even though Google totally dropped the ball on this anniversary, like any person, place or thing that reaches this ...
Everything today is thoroughly modern
In the past year I have seen the term ‘midcentury modern’ increasingly more often, usually in the context of hip and happening decor. At first I had no idea which era they were referring to but then it dawned on ...
Country comfort’s any bus that’s heading home
You learn a lot by travelling by bus. Okay, you could probably learn the same things when travelling by car, but you just don’t. That’s because when you travel by car you don’t have to pull off the road every ...
All the science I don’t understand – it’s just my job 5 days a week
Online job boards are an essential evil of looking for a job today. You also need to run the gauntlet of badly designed HR software (Taleo, my finger is pointing squarely at you) that does not let you submit your ...
Come one, come all, to Expo 67 Montreal
It has been 45 years since Expo 67. At its time, the world’s fair of 1967 was the biggest exposition in the history of the world. The trip to Expo was our summer road trip that year, with the added ...
If I had a million dollars
This year marks the 75th anniversary of the invention of Kraft Dinner. This only recently came to my attention with a scant few months left to celebrate. Clearly Google dropped the ball on this one but I am happy to ...
To avoid complications, she never kept the same address
When I was younger, I had no conception of how fortunate I was. I think this is true of most people. That’s because unless you have a certain amount of life experience under your belt, it does not occur to ...
My dancing career Part 1
My dancing career started when I was about seven years old. I don’t think that ballet was a very accurate name for the classes I attended, since the most difficult thing we did was stand still with our arms over ...
Un-accustomed as I am
Apparently, fear of public speaking (glossophobia for those who are interested in official labels) affects 75% of the population. Clearly that’s not an issue for Bill Clinton or Barack Obama (or even Michelle). And I am happy to say I ...
Working 9 to 5
My job search continues, undaunted by the thousands of positions that currently languish without alignment to my skills, although I am beginning to suspect they do not align with anyone’s skills. I have no explanation for why a company would ...
The Suite Life
Apparently hotels can’t build suites fast enough to keep up with the demand. I guess the Russian mafia is still solvent and rock stars will always need enough room to house their entire entourage as well as the model(s) du ...
Here come da judge
You aren’t allowed to talk about what happens in the jury deliberation room, but I don’t think there is any restriction on talking about what happens in the jury selection pool room. I am on day four of jury duty. ...
Take this job and shove it
As my job search continues, I continue to be bombarded with inappropriate suggestions from the helpful placement staff that patrol the internet. Clearly I have failed to adequately describe my qualifications and desired job specifications. I would feel bad about ...
I’ve just seen a face
I pretty much never forget a face (or names for that matter, although matching the right name to the face can be a problem). You might think this is a great skill to have, but it is both a blessing ...
Always got time for Tim Hortons
I think Tim Horton and I need to go to relationship counselling. After many years of a pretty good existence together, Tim has started to let me down. Sure, anyone can forget the small irritations but some of his more ...
Keep your day job
There was a time when every band worth its position on the charts felt it necessary to star in a movie. I’m guessing this was mostly another revenue stream and extra way to capture our hard earned allowance, although since ...
Dressed to kill
According to Google, Mr. Dressup’s (aka Ernie Coombs) 85th birthday was this week. Well actually, he died 11 years ago so no need to run out and buy a belated present although flowers might be in order. Anyhow, this got ...
The Babysitter
Like many things, the childcare industry has become more complicated since the laissez faire times of the mid-century. There was certainly room for improvement (evidence for which we will discuss shortly), but when everyone who looks after little Sophia and ...
A Festivus for the rest of us
Barring Hanukkah and Diwali (which one could argue happens too early to qualify), Festivus is the first seasonal celebration of note. One might ask why Festivus has endured as such an important observance and I am here to answer that ...
It’s worse than that, he’s dead Jim
Apparently there is a Star Trek movie coming out shortly. I think it is another ‘youthful’ Kirk, Spock etc. plot line. Truthfully, I find most things about Star Trek dumb, so in fact this is a small sample of some ...
Another year over and a new one just begun
At this time of year, everyone is obsessed with two things: what happened this year and what’s going to happen next year. I have no problem with the rehashing of the events of the previous 12 months, except for the ...