Looking at life through a funhouse mirror
I continue to indulge in my suburbanly-incorrect practice of brazenly walking to places like the grocery store. Naturally, this is preferably accomplished via sidewalks. Naturally, suburbia persists in its relentless mission to kill me by blocking off said sidewalks. This is due to the ongoing efforts to rehabilitate the thoroughfare known as Yonge Street (AKA …
Despite what our tour guide said, Cairo is not the third largest city in the world, only the 15th. Perhaps she meant the third noisiest, and if that’s the case, I sincerely don’t want to visit the second or first place winner. Traffic in Cairo clogs the streets all day and all night, and I’m …
My ongoing subversive plot to get kicked out of suburbia continues to bear fruit. Yesterday, a Municipal Enforcement and Community Standards Officer paid a visit to follow up on a complaint. I suspect the snitch was the same neighbour who ratted out my non-compliant cats. Anyhow, the egregious offence is the Lift-Rite that lives in …
In case the news escaped you, as of October 10 the Canadian Broadcasting Company is not longer airing the National Research Council’s official time signal every day at 1:00 p.m. Eastern time. In case you have no idea what I’m talking about, I’ll explain. For the past 80 years, at precisely one hour past noon, …
There are typically two times of the year when things break: the beginning of cottage season and the end of cottage season. Neither of these times is more preferable to the other. When we arrive in the spring, it’s pretty much a given that some things that were perfectly fine at close-up have decided not …
One of the highlights of island life is occasionally getting off the island. Although I do like my slice of forest and shoreline, it’s nice to experience some form of civilization. A mainland trek always involves several errands: visit the transfer station, fill up a water-dispenser bottle at the community centre tap, return returnable bottles …
In May, the Canadian Radio-television and Telecommunications Commission (CRTC) said it will introduce 942 as Toronto’s new overlay area code on April 26, 2025. The new digits will come a year before all existing 416, 647, and 437 phone numbers are expected to be exhausted. As you may know, the reason we now run out …
More and more, I’m noticing that the online version of something steals the thunder of the hardcopy version. Or even worse, online content manages to give the story away in the headline, making it completely unnecessary to read it. Herewith, some particularly egregious examples. As I have previously admitted, I subscribe to a healthy number …
What you probably thought I was going to talk about is s’mores by the campfire or jumping off rocks into the lake (okay, I’ve never done this but people much, much, braver than I have) or staying up late (or getting up early) to see the Perseids meteor shower or complaining about the neighbours across …
I was planning on writing about something else today, but since it’s Canada Day, what better to talk about than life at the cottage. The Monarch butterflies are back. They are my excuse for letting the milkweed run rampant near the septic bed. Milkweed should, of course, be entitled to aid and abet butterflies with …
The minute the hummingbird feeder went up, I had customers, and it appears they are the same assholes as last year, chasing each other away even though there is more than enough to go around. Luckily, the racoons (the other assholes) have not yet made an appearance, so the feeder has remained unmolested. I am …
My KLM flight to France left from Terminal 3 in Toronto. Those of you who are frequent flyers and have visited Terminal 3 will know of what I speak. Terminal 3 has only a passing acquaintance with the Nexus card. A Nexus card is a credential for which you go through several hoops, including an …
I was cleaning ancient clothes out of the spare room closet (as one does every ten years or so whether it needs to be done or not) and came across an artifact I had completely forgotten. It’s a suit bag. Remember suit bags? Remember when people wore suits for things other than weddings and funerals? …
The first task when opening the cottage is to assess the damage, both physical and financial. This proceeds in a logical order, starting with arriving at the dock at the bottom of the hill. This year, the dock made it through the winter unscathed. If you are unfamiliar with how lake winters work, this might …
For more than 140 days, all the lights have been on in the house behind me. Every single bulb is ablaze 24/7. The house is for sale and has been on the market since last October, with at least one changeover of real estate contract that I am aware of. It is not a bad …
Julie Powell, who wrote the book Julie and Julia about her project to cook her way through Mastering the Art of French Cooking, which eventually became a movie of the same name (Julie Powell’s book, not Julia’s, but actually that’s not quite true since the Julia Child portion of the movie is based another of …
In the early 1970s, Toronto’s Yonge Street was a place to see and be seen. The sidewalks from Bloor to Queen were filled with people shopping for Indian cotton gauze shirts from stores that smelled like pachouli, buying head shop roach clips fashioned from hardware intended to look innocuous to feckless cops, and scoring the …
The suburbs are trying to kill me. To be fair, the feeling is mutual, but they aren’t even being subtle about it. First, a bit of back story. Despite having a well stocked kitchen, I like to walk out around noon a few times a week to pick up some lunch. This accomplishes two goals: …
ICYMI, the audio format of Nowhere like This Place: Tales from a Nuclear Childhood was released earlier this year. In case you are really out of the loop, this is what the book is about: Marilyn Carr’s family arrived in Deep River, Ontario in 1960 because her dad got a job at a mysterious place …
I am not a huge online shopper, no matter what colour Friday happens to be. This is probably because I am not much of a shopper and not much of a girly girl, with all the lack of penchant for shoes, bags, perfumes, and magic potions that implies. But I do admit the Interweb does …
“Looks like this laptop was dropped,” the geek at Best Buy said. “This whole edge has gone all wonky.” I feigned ignorance. “Possibly. I wouldn’t know. But can you fix it?” “Maybe. The power supply port is out of alignment. That’s why you can’t plug it in. For $100 I can send it to the …
This is the time of year I usually refer to as “the southbound march of the condiments.” Not this year. I have decided to reconsider my cottage closing tactics. Perhaps forever. Do you know what happens when the bottles and jars that survived the summer arrive in my winter kitchen? Yes, you do. They play …
Very excited to announce the second installment of my memoirs (what? am I somebody important? who the heck keeps writing about herself? hint: I do), How I Invented the Internet, available September 30, 2022 wherever fine books are sold online (softcover and eBook, and in case you missed it, all of the above plus audiobook …
It has been a long time since I was part of the back-to-school cohort, at least when it involved education that was not of my choosing. As I recall, there was the requisite B2S prep and shopping, with one of the most important tasks being deciding what to wear for the first day. It was …
The hummingbirds are acting like assholes. There are three of them that swoop around chasing each other away from the feeder whenever one of them decides it’s time for a snack. Apparently, this means they are getting ready to start migrating. I’m not sure how well that will turn out, since they seem to be …
As you may know, I am now down to one cat. In case you were not aware (and in my own defense), I only had two. Also in my own defense, there was only one period in my life when I had more than two, which was when I lived with my ex-husband and a …
Sometimes when I’m out and about on the bus or subway or simply just walking around, I amuse myself by reading signs or even reading articles of clothing. Inevitably, I come across crimes against the English language. Committing these crimes can occasionally be forgiven if they occur within the privacy of your own home, but …
I am pretty sure I have mentioned this before, but I am a magazine-aholic. I currently subscribe to six magazines: Vanity Fair, The New Yorker, Bon Appetit, The Walrus, Cottage Life, and Toronto Life. I also get the Report on Business every month via my Globe and Mail newspaper subscription, bonus issues of Fashion (useless) …
Like many of my cohort, I am in deep denial with respect to my chronological age. In my head, I am in my early forties, officially grownup but still able to stay out way too late on a school night without dire consequences. The money the government sends me every month tells a different story. …
I admit that even a very internet savvy person like me sometimes clicks on the bait. I do this knowingly. I am not like a bass chasing a shiny floating object. Jut sometimes I want to consume virtual junk food. And speaking of food, how can someone resist “30 Things Personal Trainers Will Never Eat.” …