2020 Posts
It really was not my fault
It was an innocuous day. Bright, a touch chilly for Arizona in December, but I knew it would warm up as the sun rose over the mountains. The dry Sonoran Desert air was still, but not unpleasantly so. I opened ...
Send Me Dead Flowers
I always have flowers in my house. Or maybe not exactly always, but as close as I can get, given my current circumstances of living in suburbia. Apparently, suburbia does not believe in flowers. There are no fruit markets in ...
I Lost at Jeopardy
Please do not judge me, but lately I have been watching Jeopardy reruns on Netflix. Let me explain. First, I do not have TV. I have unplugged from cable and satellite and no longer have access to the regular over-the-air ...
Hear Me Roar
I do not apologize for liking TV shows like Scandal, The Good Wife, Suits, and yes, even Nashville. Because they all have lots of strong, empowered, female characters who do not shy away from stomping the spiky four-inch heels of ...
And Yet, They Persist
I read to you today from this week’s Longo’s flyer. “Cashmere Select Bath Tissue, $6.99, save up to $5.50!” “You could find the cup to win one of three trips to the Stanley Cup Final! Purchase any one of Kruger ...
Status Report 20200330
I never thought I would say this, but the outer-reaches of suburbia is the place to be during a pandemic because this place is a wasteland of human interaction. Oh wait, I stand corrected. Except for now. People I never, ...
The Cat Came Back
For the most part, I have dutifully restricted my cat ownership to a maximum of two at a time. Except for a time about twenty years ago, when I lived way downtown in Toronto. My house, in a “transitional” neighbourhood ...
Suburban Status Report 20200423
I sat outside on my deck in the sunshine a few days ago, when April was behaving a little better than right now, reading the New Yorker while freezing my ass off but stubbornly clinging to the notion that being ...
Suburban Status Report 20200507
I am sorry to admit that my house, recently a place of unparalleled cleanliness courtesy of pandemic boredom, has reverted to its former slovenly state. My vacuum cleaner is probably heaving a large sigh of relief, much like people’s dogs ...
Suburban Status Report 20200521
It really wasn’t my fault. I did not intend to get on the wrong side of the law. But it happened none-the-less. It all started sometime after the pandemic showed up. In addition to a virus gone viral, COVID-19 also ...
Cottage Status Report 20200607
I am pleased to report that the family of dock spiders is enjoying the fine spring weather. They bask in the midday sunshine in a physically distant array. All seven of them, spaced out in their own isolated zones of ...
Cottage Status Report 20200614
I think I caught a glimpse of the owl yesterday afternoon, something big and brown flying out of a trio of trees heading towards the middle of the island. The owl is mostly heard not seen. I hear it hooting ...
Cottage Status Report 20200628
Why is it that when I wake up in the middle of the night (which usually corresponds with when Dennis decides he wants to go out), all of my hundred bug bites start itching simultaneously? Furthermore, why is it that ...
Salad Schmalad
“Salads! A cool relief on a hot summer’s day!” the food magazine says. I am here to tell you this is not true. Not the eating of the salads, which is actually a very good idea, heat or no heat. ...
Cottage Status Report: 20200715
The red squirrel that Dennis caught the other day, down by the dock while I was swimming, has thankfully, I assume, been repurposed as dinner for a bird of prey. Maybe one of the ravens (are they birds of prey? ...
Cottage Status Report: 20200722
We have acquired a ten-foot pole. Or actually, this pole has been around for some time, but it has been living under my radar. It is supposed to be an extension for poles you wish were longer, like brushes for ...
Cottage Status Report: 20200802
There is such a thing as a double-decker pontoon boat. That’s all I’m going to say about that. Except for one thing. Double-decker pontoon boats remind me of Dolly Parton’s height-defying wig. It catches the eye, but is completely unnecessary ...
Unmasked
Until now, I had not been to downtown Toronto in six months. First it was because of the pandemic perils, then the ice went out and I decamped to the cottage to hunker down for several months of swimming, sunning, ...
A Fish Tale
At six-thirty on a recent morning, a time when most sane people are still sleeping, especially if they are at a cottage, I was jarred awake by what sounded like the start of a Formula One race. This is what ...
How was your summer?
For some reason, it only just dawned on me that every official season is exactly the same duration of three months. Summer begins on June 21 and ends on September 21, whereupon fall takes over until December 21 and so ...
Good Morning, Little School Girl
I’m already beginning to regret going back to school. “But didn’t you just graduate from something? Didn’t you already go back to school?” some of you might ask. And yes, I did, graduating just this spring. Part of the class ...
October, it’s Over
Okay. That thing I said a few weeks ago about having had my last lake swim of the season? I was wrong. My definitive final lake swim was the last weekend in September. That weekend, and the entire week preceding ...
Isn’t it Ironic?
It’s been twenty-five years since Alanis Morissette released Jagged Little Pill. For each and every one of the years between then and now, she has had to suffer the scorn of English 101 students everywhere, because they are experts in ...
Only Two Sleeps until Official Book Release!
Here’s an Excerpt The very, very, very best Grade 2 art day is asbestos clay day. Asbestos is a wonderful material in the 1960s. Not only does it cover our floors and insulate our walls, it is a mighty fine ...
Suburban Status Report 20201115
This is a suburban status report because the cottage is a wrap for 2020. That means we are now entering the phase of ‘things I’m pretty sure I forgot to bring home.’ These things reveal themselves slowly and it will ...
In Which I Assay an Essay
Back when such things were considered amusing because nothing more amusing had yet to be invented, my grandfather was fond of reciting limericks as part of the Presbyterian after-dinner frivolity, as we drank tea as viscous as crude oil from ...