Welcome to The Lakeview Room
Treetops, SML
Township of Georgian Bay, District of Muskoka
Your Premium Accommodations are ready for your enjoyment. Here are some things that will help you enjoy your stay:
1. Choose the towel of your choice from the towel tower in the main bathroom. If you don’t like this towel for some reason, choose another one. ONCE.
2. You do not need to let yellow mellow.
3. Marilyn does not play board games, card games, Pictionary, Charades, Twister, or any other sort of game. Do not try to convince her by telling her it is fun. She knows it is not fun for her. And this is her house.
4. The first person who drinks coffee shall turn on the coffee make by pressing the button in the middle. Seriously, it is not hard. It is ready when all lights turn off. Marilyn does not drink coffee so do not complain to her about the quality of the coffee.
5. Dennis’ circadian rhythms require him to be wherever he isn’t at approximately 4 am. This skews earlier when the days get shorter. If you sleep through him needing to go inside or outside (with or without snack) in the middle of the night you need not worry. However, when we do not drag our sorry asses out of bed before 9 o’clock do not get out your judgement hat or you will find that all breakfast items have been removed from the inside fridge and all beer from the outside fridge.
6. Speaking of the fridge, it is the big shiny thing the kitchen. Anything in there is fair game, unless you are Harold and have a massive midnight scarf of potato salad meant for Saturday or Sunday.
7. The fridge in the screen porch is mostly a beverage and ice fridge. Except for eggs and lettuce. For some reason they live out there too. No, I don’t remember why.
8. If you can’t find a food thing you need, please ask the kitchen staff. We either have it or we don’t. And if we don’t have it we are certainly not going to get it for you.
9. Dirty dishes go in the dishwasher. There is no magic portal from the sink or the coffee table to the dishwasher.
10. Clean dishes are taken out of the dishwasher. There is no dishwasher emptying fairy. If you are smart, you will leave the dishes, glasses, and cutlery needed for the next meal on the table instead of putting them in the cupboard and taking them back out again. Just sayin’.
11. Keep your room as tidy or messy as you wish. Housekeeping only happens between guests. Unfortunately, the Lakeview closet innards have not yet been implemented. Deal with it.
12. Marilyn is not on vacation. I think we already mentioned she lives here. She has the first draft of a major assignment due next week that’s only worth half of the marks in one of the two courses she is taking this term. She fully intends to get an A and will blame you if she doesn’t. At minimum, do not bug her between the hours of 8 am and cocktail hour. Do not speak to her unless spoken to. Be prepared to be told to shut up. Frequently.
13. Do not put returnables in the recycling bin. Returnables are part of the passive income stream that keeps Treetops in bitcoin. A first offense is forgivable. A second offense will take you directly off the island, not necessarily in the boat and not necessarily at the shoreline.
14. Should you need reading material, there are magazines in the living room, Lakeview Room and Forestview Room. There are books in both the Lakeview and Forestview. Any books in the living room are there for a purpose for which you will have no knowledge. Do not move or otherwise molest them without prior written permission except those that are clearly lame coffee table books that no one would actually ‘read.’ Otherwise, be on notice you may be attacked by an ill-tempered Sea Bass.
15. Afternoon napping is not mandatory. However, if you choose not to nap please choose to not-nap somewhere outside and away from those who have more common sense.