Looking at life through a funhouse mirror
Why is it that when I wake up in the middle of the night (which usually corresponds with when Dennis decides he wants to go out), all of my hundred bug bites start itching simultaneously? Furthermore, why is it that I have so many bug bites, and why do they swell up to the size …
It really wasn’t my fault. I did not intend to get on the wrong side of the law. But it happened none-the-less. It all started sometime after the pandemic showed up. In addition to a virus gone viral, COVID-19 also brought people to suburbia. In the “before time,” at approximately 7:12 each morning, the suburbanite …
It’s pretty much business as usual around here, in the cozy bedrooms north of civilization. Which is to say, as usual, there is rampant inaccessibility, unavailability, and inedibility. Follow along with the bouncing ball, if you will. There is a bus that goes from Newmarket to the Toronto Yorkdale subway station and back. This bus …
The 905 is the nickname based on the area code for the suburban sprawl that stretches East, West and North of Toronto and smacks up against the border of the 519 and 705 (area codes that used to be in the ‘are you nuts?’ category of commuting consideration but are now the new normal coordinates …
Since I haven’t moved in almost two whole years, it’s time to move again. As I have mentioned earlier, looking for a place to live is very much like online dating. There are promising profiles and attractive photos but the proof is in the actual pudding, which is rarely as tasty or fresh or chock …
Anyone worth their steak knives follows the rule of ‘ABC’ (always be closing), but the true skill of the salesperson is how they finesse sealing the deal. There are many techniques in the sales manual, but none comes close to the power of the ‘puppy dog’ close. Even if you don’t know what I am …
When I was younger, I had no conception of how fortunate I was. I think this is true of most people. That’s because unless you have a certain amount of life experience under your belt, it does not occur to you that anything can go wrong and probably because of the sheer force of this …
Ricky, who died last week, was the longest lived of any of my cats, which was definitely an accomplishment (and not a testament to my dubious cat parenting skills). He is also the reason for my decidedly racist views on the most desirable cats. If you look carefully at virtually any cat food packaging, cat …
The Flower Guy About 25 years ago when I first lived on the Danforth in Toronto, we went out for dinner a lot. This is because there are lots of restaurants and because I was too lazy to cook after spending all day at business school. Just about every time we were out for dinner, …
Cockroaches: Nature’s Perfect Pest The first time I ever saw a cockroach was when I was living at the graduate students residence at U of T. I opened my typewriter case one day and a strange bug crawled out. My roommate helpfully identified it. Turns out the building was pretty much infested and although they …