I was watching the movie ‘All that Jazz’ on the plane the other week (the Classic movie genre being the only respite for frequent trans-coastal fliers who have already mined the not so deep depths of the new release offerings). Anyhow, it reminded me of how good a movie it was. And also of the life on the stage (especially the dance part) how I escaped that life with my life (or more correctly, how I escaped that life with gainful employment and way to support myself for the rest of my life). So that’s why I thought it was time to set the world straight on what it means to dedicate yourself to a life in the performing arts.
As if you didn’t know this already, you will never make any money unless you are lucky enough to be George Clooney, Angelina Jolie or Meryl Streep. I mention Meryl for a reason. Only those of you who have ventured into these shark filled waters will know the inconvenient truth: in most cases, order to be a success in acting, you need to also sing and dance. This is not too much of a surprise because to really be in the biz, as it were, you need to be very versatile. That’s why none of us were surprised at how Meryl performed in Mama Mia (and also not so surprised that Pierce Brosnan could almost pull off a song but not so much, but could be excused because of a ‘too good looking’ hall pass). Or even to see a credible singing and dancing performance by Rene Zellwiger in Chicago. But I digress.
If you want to get over a fear of rejection, please sign up to be in the theatre. It is much cheaper than paying a shrink every week, although come to think of it, you will probably need to do that as well on your $15 bucks an hour. However, you do learn lots of important coping skills that will do you in good stead like the ones to do with how to clothe yourself on no money and figuring out how to eat fairly regularly to avoid rickets and scurvy but still maintain the body fat of a 6 year old. Landing a boyfriend with a with a real job helps a lot here, although in some cases the married guys with even better real jobs are a better bet.
The good news about dance clothing is that after you give your mandatory tithe to the Danskin and Capezzio companies, it is ‘customized and personalized’. That means you can do very well shopping at Goodwill. Anyhow, the only thing realistic about Flashdance was the clothing modification. Old leotard tops are cut off at the waist and layered underneath semi-new ones. A similar butchery happens to t-shirts. Off go the sleeves and the neck bands. Cut a ‘V’ in the neck (you can wear that either to the back or front depending on your mood). It is all about the layers and of course the colour of said layers. At no time should anything match or look like you are trying too hard. For example, I had a camouflage skort-like garment (homemade of course) that was great as a lower body cover-up below a leotard (blue), cut-off leotard (brown), t-shirt layer (remnants of a Cebu tourist t-shirt), worn with purple leg warmers.
Anyhow, as you may have already guessed, singing and dancing is no longer my main métier. And though sometimes you would have to stab me in the eye with a fork to make me go back on the stage, sometimes that fork looks like an invitation to a feast.