Blame Canada

I went to the grocery store today, Farm Boy, a resolutely Canadian grocery store. I just had to pick up a few things I needed for dinner today and tomorrow. Lasagna incorporating freezer leftovers. Some kind of curry, ditto. As the resolutely Canadian weather promises to persist this week, after a few healthy dumps of snow that will hopefully be the last gasp of winter precipitation (she says with Pollyanna persona), it was important to head out during a lull in the blizzard to be comfortingly well-fed for yet another shut-in day.

First, a walk through the produce section. Baby tomatoes (product of Canada). Green peppers (Mexico). Oranges (Spain). Sourdough bread (baked in store, provenance of flour and the sourness component unknown, seemed legit, though). Ricotta cheese (product of Canada). Then, since anything other than fresh squeezed orange juice seemed out of the question, I reached for a bottle of lemonade in the refrigerator section. Farm Boy brand. I looked at the label. Product of USA. No lemonade for us. I guess I’ll have to make my own. With lemons from somewhere yet to be determined.

Here’s what happened. Every single person in the store was doing the exact same thing. The people next to me in the refrigerator aisle scrutinized the yogurt. The woman at the deli counter questioned the origin of the ham. A man got his reading glasses out to interrogate the nationality of the canned goods.

The American President (he who shall not be named) believes America is the most perfect place on earth. Bigly perfect. The best perfect ever! He has also said he doesn’t need Canada for anything. Not oil (good luck with that). Not lumber (good luck with that). Not even water (what about that tap he wants to turn on?). But on the other hand, despite us being dead to him and an ‘unviable’ country, he’d like us to be the 51st state. We’d be much better off as part of the happiest place on earth. Oh, wait. That’s a theme park. Fake news.

But he does not know he’s unwittingly (or does he actually have any wits to begin with?) stepped right in the middle of the beaver pond and gotten a huge soaker.* Beavers can pull many times their body weight. Just watch us. Beaver’s heads can easily remain fully above the water indefinitely while their body is submerged. Just watch us. A beaver’s tail stores fat for the winter so it will never go hungry. Just watch us. Underestimate the beaver at your peril, southern neighbour. And yes, we spell it with a ‘u’.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is officially a movement. A movement of millions of people who can do their own small part. It’s not the end. It’s not the beginning of the end, but it’s a strong beginning. And they can pry my Canadian flag out of my cold dead hands. Sorry about that.

*Canadianism. Getting your feet wet in a bigly way.