Looking at life through a funhouse mirror
I am pleased to report that the family of dock spiders is enjoying the fine spring weather. They bask in the midday sunshine in a physically distant array. All seven of them, spaced out in their own isolated zones of dock real estate, ensuring I will maintain a distance of at least a ten-foot pole. …
It really wasn’t my fault. I did not intend to get on the wrong side of the law. But it happened none-the-less. It all started sometime after the pandemic showed up. In addition to a virus gone viral, COVID-19 also brought people to suburbia. In the “before time,” at approximately 7:12 each morning, the suburbanite …
I am sorry to admit that my house, recently a place of unparalleled cleanliness courtesy of pandemic boredom, has reverted to its former slovenly state. My vacuum cleaner is probably heaving a large sigh of relief, much like people’s dogs that are getting annoyed at the quantity of forced-march walking that is taking place. My …
I sat outside on my deck in the sunshine a few days ago, when April was behaving a little better than right now, reading the New Yorker while freezing my ass off but stubbornly clinging to the notion that being outside was better than being inside. My all-weather fake-o wicker loveseat emerged from the winter …
For the most part, I have dutifully restricted my cat ownership to a maximum of two at a time. Except for a time about twenty years ago, when I lived way downtown in Toronto. My house, in a “transitional” neighbourhood that stubbornly resisted transition, had a tiny backyard consisting of a deck surrounded by a …
I never thought I would say this, but the outer-reaches of suburbia is the place to be during a pandemic because this place is a wasteland of human interaction. Oh wait, I stand corrected. Except for now. People I never, ever, ever, see on my street are suddenly in evidence, out walking with their various …
I read to you today from this week’s Longo’s flyer. “Cashmere Select Bath Tissue, $6.99, save up to $5.50!” “You could find the cup to win one of three trips to the Stanley Cup Final! Purchase any one of Kruger paper products!” “Free Cineplex movie offer with purchase of General Mills family size cereal.” I …
I do not apologize for liking TV shows like Scandal, The Good Wife, Suits, and yes, even Nashville. Because they all have lots of strong, empowered, female characters who do not shy away from stomping the spiky four-inch heels of their pointy Louboutin’s squarely into the instep of the mirror-toed Ferragamo loafers of the men …
Please do not judge me, but lately I have been watching Jeopardy reruns on Netflix. Let me explain. First, I do not have TV. I have unplugged from cable and satellite and no longer have access to the regular over-the-air channels. Yes, I know. It is possible to pull them in via other methods or …
I always have flowers in my house. Or maybe not exactly always, but as close as I can get, given my current circumstances of living in suburbia. Apparently, suburbia does not believe in flowers. There are no fruit markets in suburbia, the places where I used to pick up some sunflowers or tulips when I …